Have you ever faced people who just dislike you and do their utmost best to destroy you? After they've "done" hating you, they'll start asking for your help and even pretend to say that they'll help you (but you already know they won't).
It doesn't matter how you choose to live your life - whether you build your own business or work for someone, have kids or choose not to, there'll be at least 1 person who will judge you no matter what you do. There will always be people who're hating on you and difficult to handle.
Unfortunately, I have experienced this first hand myself too. FYI, these people don't start as haters first. They might be your friends or competitors first before evolving to become one. Instead of name-shaming these people online, let me share with you what are the characteristics of these people who are largely defined as "HATERS":
Even if they were to say "Wow congrats! I'm happy for you. You are the man!". Take it with a pinch of salt especially if they have been criticizing you before. These people are always filled with an inferiority complex as they would rather win than see you win in whatever that you do. They would prefer to stand on the podium receiving the envy and love from every other people instead of being 2nd or 3rd place (I'll explain more in detail later on). These, in turn, has caused them to grow more spiritual cancers of envy and jealousy in them especially when you are the one winning the trophy, getting all the love from others and not them. Hence, that's why there's an acronym for these H.A.T.E.R.S. which goes like these: Having Anger Towards Everyone Reaching Success.
This is the time for them. Why? It is because this is the time for them to rejoice when you are struggling or failing. This is the time for them to feel how thankful they are for not making the same mistakes as you. For example, person A knows that you have a misunderstanding with another common friend. Instead of helping you to add a few good words to prevent more disharmony between 2 parties, he will add fuel towards the fire and make sure you burn even more while he continues to enjoy the friendship that he has with your common friend.
It is okay if friends like to make fun of each other and crack jokes in a light manner. However, if they were to stir shit and make claims to what you have done even though you know it's not true, then these are what haters will do. They will speak ill of you in front of others and behind your back, similarly to others too. These are mostly due to the fact that they want more positive attention to themselves than you.
These people love the attention from others. Not just that, these people love and NEED to feel important. To do that, they must always place themselves above others. They'll try to kiss those big players asses, inflate their worth and lower down the worth of those whom they detest. These are the people that constantly tell you what you CAN’T accomplish in life, because if they weren’t able to do it, why should you? These are the people that are like mosquitos trying to irritate and suck the blood out of you. The last thing these people want is for you to accomplish more than them, make more money than them, have more fun than them and make a bigger impact than them.
If you have watched the anime Dragon Ball, you would have known that Vegeta is always holding grudges with Goku because right after his first defeat to Goku, he vowed that he would eventually defeat Goku in a rematch. From power-ups to baseball matches, Vegeta wastes no time in trying to win every competition against Goku. However, there are many incidences where he'll team up with Goku to fight against the villains.
Similarly, for those who dislike you, they will hold grudges against you so as to punish you for something you did recently and also for a wrong which you've done to them in the past. When they hold grudges against you, they will constantly be thinking about the events that caused them pain and it'll definitely pain them even more if they were to forgive you. Therefore, they'll hold grudges longer than Vegeta as they have no intentions of collaborating or helping you.
This is one of the main causes of hate to develop in them. Rather than focusing on mastering themselves and their own personal growth, haters are always comparing themselves to others. They determine their own self-worth based on how they measure up to the results of others around them. So, when a friend or co-worker gets a promotion, the reaction isn’t being happy for the other person’s success, rather it’s questioning themselves, God and other people "why them and not me?". Again, haters need to be at the top of their self-created distorted hierarchy, so if others are doing better than them, then their place at the top gets threatened.
As promised the other time to do a long post for you, I've gathered these key points and further elaborated them which I hope this will help you in your journey of success wherever you go.
Tips to handle your haters:
Know that when a person is jealous of you, it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. Be confident in yourself. Don’t allow a jealous person to affect your confidence or to create self-doubt.
Although it’s not easy to do this, ignoring mean comments from jealous people tells them that you are not going to validate their feelings. In fact, you are going to spend more time on your purpose than wasting time letting them affect you.
When ignoring someone is not an option, approaching the situation directly may help release the jealous tension. Have a conversation to confront them about their behavior and understand from their point of view to see if there's any misunderstandings that can be addressed.
If you can't get to terms with them even after much clarifications, then you need to change your environment or social dynamics. This will reduce the jealous person’s ability to influence you. Hang out with people who support you so that the hater will less likely have any time to converse with you.
Don’t feel like you have to continue to listen to a jealous person vent to you all the time. Set boundaries to distance yourself from the person. Politely excuse yourself away from them if possible.
I'm not saying in terms of monetary or career success over here. What I meant is that no matter how negative a person is, keep your interactions with these people positive. Show them a better way to handle situations by being the example.
Some people feel like they are the only ones who have negative experiences. Opening up about your own personal struggles may help them realize that they are not alone and it can be a catalyst in improving your relationships with him or her.
Jealousy can come from feeling inferior. Instead of belittling them, why not offer them some help especially in the area which they are jealous of. Be supportive and who knows you might turn him/her from a hater to a supporter?
Remember, don't react and be grateful. Yes, you've got that right. When you do big things, you’ll always have haters and naysayers. Knowing that is inevitable. So ask yourself, "How can I use haters to support my mission even more?" Ever heard of the saying that says "What you feed expands and what you starve dies."? You don’t need to use social media to talk bad about them. Nor do you have to talk about what they've done to every single person you meet. Keep it confidential if possible and be the Bigger Person who has the heart and continues to focus on your goals and vision.
Ultimately, people come and go. Be it your friends or even your haters. Just like the train ride. At different stations, you'll get to encounter and experience different people. Hence, wherever you go, whatever you do, you'll realize that there'll always be people who become your supporters naturally or those who only support you after you've become successful. Likewise, there are those who really hate you to the core and do his or her best to destroy you and your friendship with others. Therefore, you got to choose wisely on who is going to be your wise council. Remember, your applied networks equal to your net-worth. When you mix with the wrong crowd, it'll sting you like a bee and leave a scar on you for the rest of your life.
I am a Transformation Catalyst. What I do is I pick the brains of the best entrepreneurs you have in this world such as Gary Vee, Grant Cardone and etc to find out from them what are some of the simple and effective steps that millennials like myself can take to experience success in the swiftest and most effective way possible.I do that through podcasting. The millennials who have listened to the podcast have experienced personal transformation because they have gotten the tips they need to move forward.